Rivendell

There is something quite stagnating about living in the city when it comes to spirituality. I don't know why-- perhaps it is the narrow streets or the rowdy automobiles or the over-stimulating technology or all its artificial beauty. I mean, of course the slave can find The Most High anywhere (including State St.) for the earth is our masjid. However, the city recently has been suffocating me. It's no wonder the righteous took refuge in the mountains and trees.

Sigh.

Only the soulless would not want to savor the confounding allure of Rivendell. By the grace of The Most High, I will see my Rivendell in exactly 14 days inshAllah.

Until then..

Gemful Thought

Dhikr.

What does dhikr mean to me? That should be the question on the my personal essay list. But instead, I come across nugatory questions such as: 'What does this job mean to you?' or 'Describe yourself in a few words.'

Dhikr is a magnificent concept. It means I can be a monk without being deprived. It means I can experience an extra taste of where I want to belong. I was reading a fascinating book by Dr. Wagdi and I began to think about The Creator. And perhaps it was because I watched Avatar or because then I realized the movie has a legitimate idea, but basically I had an epiphany of some sort.

We belong with Him. Our home is Him. Beauty is Him. He is the epitome of Beauty, and that is why we love beauty. That feeling of comfort and feeling of being home when you lay on your mother's bosom is truly just a microcosm of what the real feeling of Home is. That experience of being united with the 'Spirit' illustrated in Avatar is really just a rip off of what is expressed in the holy tradition.

And that's when I began to realize how stupid I can be when I am lazy in prayers or when I become neglectful of my duties. The Sustainer wants us to be with Him. He is calling for us. He is even making excuses for us to be forgiven. Yet, we are oppressive to ourselves.

We are so foolish.

Sincerely,
Your student

Continuing.

It's been about two years. I was reading some of my older posts. I realized I was a lot more.. puerile, not to mention a bit corny and over-idealistic. In fact, I deleted some of them to save myself from prepubescent nostalgia. I still do feel I am quite idealistic though, and I hope that does not dwindle. My nightmare is to become a pessimist, which is rather funny because people say I have depressing, conspiratorial ideas. I say NOT. However, overall I believe my goals and ideas remained quite consistent which makes me very happy to say the least. This is crucial to me because in this world, it's terribly easy to loose yourself as cliche as that sounds. A smart person once told me, write down your goals so you don't forget what they are and more importantly, who you are.

But I do need to change now, in a positive way. I need to mature. I need to move on. This year has been quite difficult for me, but as the Wise Book says 'with every hardship comes ease' and thus, here I am reflecting, hoping.

The wise people narrated that the Beloved (peace be upon him) would make istikhara for something as minor as changing a sock. Wouldn't I be foolish to not make istikhara for this..

'Ello Blogliens

Well, tis been over a year, and not much has happened.

Actually, I suppose I have. I am off to start my collegiate years. At the end of each year I like to see how I improved. So here it goes...

Uh, I write better essays. Haha.
I think I've actually gotten smarter. All those AP cramming has paid off.
I'm not as scared of the future as I use to be.
I pieced together a better understanding of Islam.
I have a better understanding what we all are fighting against.

Now the latter is quite imperative to me for many reasons. The most significant reason is that there is a force out there, two forces, actually. Those two forces have generally been depicted in every profitable imagination out there. We've seen in books, in Hollywood, in ancient folklore, etc. It's quite interesting to see that the greatest stories have a moral allusion of the battle between good and evil. But we must ask ourselves why is this trend consistent throughout human history? How is it possible that this idea has become instinct, almost, in the human perception?

The answer to that is simple: Because it is real. Unfortunately my answer to that was grammatically incorrect, but you get the idea.

It begins, or rather.. continues. InshAllah.

Dear Incognito,

I've been thinking a lot lately. In fact, it seems the only stuff I've got done lately has been thinking. But at least I've realized some important things. I kind of realized what my top priorities are, the hard way, but nonetheless, I've learned. I'm really going to try hard to not waste my time. If that means letting go of things, then so be it. I'm sick of things that bring me down.

I'm missing something. I need to get closer to Allah.
I need a catalyst.

The Farewells

I've said good-bye to many things now.


Maybe I should go to Pakistan for a while, visit my family.
And maybe go to Kabul, and rant about something useful.
I'm too caught up with American individuality and its complexities.

Mere zhindagi, mere jaan.

Currently

Restlessness, winter chills, confusion, hormones, anger, and sonatas.

I am not right.