I want to love

Rivendell

There is something quite stagnating about living in the city when it comes to spirituality. I don't know why-- perhaps it is the narrow streets or the rowdy automobiles or the over-stimulating technology or all its artificial beauty. I mean, of course the slave can find The Most High anywhere (including State St.) for the earth is our masjid. However, the city recently has been suffocating me. It's no wonder the righteous took refuge in the mountains and trees.

Sigh.

Only the soulless would not want to savor the confounding allure of Rivendell. By the grace of The Most High, I will see my Rivendell in exactly 14 days inshAllah.

Until then..

Gemful Thought

Dhikr.

What does dhikr mean to me? That should be the question on the my personal essay list. But instead, I come across nugatory questions such as: 'What does this job mean to you?' or 'Describe yourself in a few words.'

Dhikr is a magnificent concept. It means I can be a monk without being deprived. It means I can experience an extra taste of where I want to belong. I was reading a fascinating book by Dr. Wagdi and I began to think about The Creator. And perhaps it was because I watched Avatar or because then I realized the movie has a legitimate idea, but basically I had an epiphany of some sort.

We belong with Him. Our home is Him. Beauty is Him. He is the epitome of Beauty, and that is why we love beauty. That feeling of comfort and feeling of being home when you lay on your mother's bosom is truly just a microcosm of what the real feeling of Home is. That experience of being united with the 'Spirit' illustrated in Avatar is really just a rip off of what is expressed in the holy tradition.

And that's when I began to realize how stupid I can be when I am lazy in prayers or when I become neglectful of my duties. The Sustainer wants us to be with Him. He is calling for us. He is even making excuses for us to be forgiven. Yet, we are oppressive to ourselves.

We are so foolish.

Sincerely,
Your student

Continuing.

It's been about two years. I was reading some of my older posts. I realized I was a lot more.. puerile, not to mention a bit corny and over-idealistic. In fact, I deleted some of them to save myself from prepubescent nostalgia. I still do feel I am quite idealistic though, and I hope that does not dwindle. My nightmare is to become a pessimist, which is rather funny because people say I have depressing, conspiratorial ideas. I say NOT. However, overall I believe my goals and ideas remained quite consistent which makes me very happy to say the least. This is crucial to me because in this world, it's terribly easy to loose yourself as cliche as that sounds. A smart person once told me, write down your goals so you don't forget what they are and more importantly, who you are.

But I do need to change now, in a positive way. I need to mature. I need to move on. This year has been quite difficult for me, but as the Wise Book says 'with every hardship comes ease' and thus, here I am reflecting, hoping.

The wise people narrated that the Beloved (peace be upon him) would make istikhara for something as minor as changing a sock. Wouldn't I be foolish to not make istikhara for this..